Psalm 34:4

Listen to my prayer, O God.

Do not ignore my cry for help!

Please listen and answer me,

For I am overwhelmed by my troubles

My enemies shout at me,

Making loud and wicked threats.

They bring trouble on me

And angrily hunt me down.

My heart pounds in my chest.

The terror of death assaults me.

Fear and trembling overwhelm me,

And I can’t stop shaking. (Psalm 55:1-5)

This is very difficult to write, I really don’t know where to start so I will just dive in. If you have read my previous blog posts you know that I suffer with anxiety. This has been a struggle for almost 9 years.

I am so very tired.

I have made it through the last 9 years with the help of medication and little tricks that I taught myself to deal with difficult situations. But now I am tired. I’m tired of mentally making an escape route every time I walk into a store or restaurant. I’m tired of sitting in my car while the battle rages within me. “Can I do it? Yes. No. etc”. I’m tired of feeling like I’m just getting through life, instead of living abundantly. I believe my anxiety is one of the reasons for our infertility and I’m tired of being a childless mother. I am tired of being a prisoner. I am broken, mind, body and spirit.

Patrick and I met with our Pastor this week and his response was exactly what I hoped it would be. “We need to have the Elders of the church, along with the rest of the church family anoint you and pray over you”. Pastor Jay told me that I was being “oppressed” and that is not what God wants for me.

A deep breath.

A glimpse of freedom.

I know that there are so many things going on in this world, so many more important things then me. Which is maybe why it has taken me so long to ask (beg) for help. But I’m writing this to ask you, my friends and family to please join my church family this Sunday morning as they pray over Patrick and me, kneel before the Lord on my behalf and plead for healing. I do not deserve it. I will never pretend like I do, and He may not say yes to this request. But I’m so thankful that I have a church family that will stand up and ask.

“But I will call on God,

And the Lord will rescue me.

Morning, noon, and night

I cry out in my distress,

And the Lord hears my voice.

He ransoms me and keeps me safe

From the battle waged against me.” (Psalm 55:16-18)

Please Lord. Please.