Let me preface this story by saying I haven’t written anything other than notes in almost 7 years. Furthermore, I am not the best with words. I don’t have a large vocabulary, and I don’t claim to be a writer of any sort. With that in mind, this is our birth story, from the birth of our beautiful baby boy Randall Tate Stone. I know I said beautiful, and yes he is a boy, and I normally wouldn’t call a boy beautiful, but this child is absolutely, amazingly beautiful! He is a gift, a miracle, from God, our Father, and, well, this is my recollection of how it happened.
Anyone that has talked to Karen longer than five minutes knows her ultimate goal in life, besides serving the Lord, is to be a mother. This fact is one of her most attractive attributes to me. Once we got married, Karen placed her dream on hold for me so we could have some time together, and probably more importantly so I could grow up! We decided some time later it was time to grow our family. Unfortunately, our timeline didn’t coincide with God’s. Watching Karen have to wait for her baby was ultimately the hardest thing I have ever been through. Knowing that her passion was to raise babies and to not know if she would ever get her own, we walked, almost crawled, down a very long road. The months came and passed along with fallen tears from repeated confirmations that she was without child. The smallest things turned into arguments from the stress of us wanting to get pregnant and not being able to make it happen. We reminded each other constantly that we were on God’s time.
Finally one day it happened. I came home from work and she said she had something to show me. We walked into the bathroom, and there on the counter was a pregnancy test with two lines. One fainter than the other, but definitely two lines! We celebrated but with hesitancy. Karen felt that she wouldn’t carry long and several days later we knew. Once again, tears of disappointment and of fear.
The next month once again, she hesitantly showed me another pregnancy test with two lines. The second line was very hard to see on this one as well, but still there. We didn’t want to get too excited knowing that we had lost one the month before. Understanding that the likelihood of us losing this one was just as great as the last, we almost didn’t want to believe the tests, but that was our baby in there. How could we turn a blind eye to our baby? So we prayed that her body make the necessary adjustments to be able to carry, but yet again the signs came that we would never meet this child either. I didn’t think losing a baby would be as hard on me as it was, but knowing that was my child that I would never get to see, hold, or hear was like a punch in the gut. Granted they were very early, but losing two back to back was devastating.
The month that followed would be very tough. More arguments, fear that we would lose another if we were able to get pregnant, fear that we would not get to ever meet one of our own, and mainly fear that Karen would not get to answer the call of the reason she felt that God placed her here. Mentally we were at our wits end and needless to say, the physical aspect of our marriage was low, low… really low.
Karen and my sister were keeping contact over the phone. At some point Karen told Jennifer what we were going through and so my sister told her that she was going to talk to a close friend with our permission and get her to write a prayer. It wasn’t but a day or two later, and we received the prayer along with a message from my sisters friend. The message also asked us to include close family and friends in asking the prayer. Karen sent the prayer out to several people through email and asked them to pray with us over the next several days.
Soon we would get our answer. Karen was once again pregnant. Only this time the second line was dark, really dark! We felt like this darker line was God’s answer. We still were skeptical, but continued to ask God to allow Karen’s body to comfort the baby and keep him or her alive. The days continued to pass and there were no signs that this baby was going to be leaving us any time soon. We began to think it was okay to be a little excited. Still, though, we were worried we were going to lose it. We tried to enjoy taking pictures we were going to use to be able to tell our parents. Time passed enough to tell our parents and of course they were ecstatic! Watching Karen carry this baby was like waking up to Christmas morning every second of every minute of every day. Even through her aches and pains of being pregnant, it was the second best thing that I ever got to be a part of, right behind marrying her. We went to our first appointment in Albemarle. They did an ultrasound and seeing that little seed on the screen was probably the most real moment I’ve ever been a part of in my life. I cannot really explain the emotion I felt as I watched my bride see her little seed for the first time. She would talk to and rub her belly and the smiles on her face were different and deeper than they ever had been before. Her tears were tears of joy and happiness and not tears of wonder and sadness. It was so much fun to watch her take care of a baby that she didn’t yet know any physical features. I was getting to see first hand a mother’s love and more than that, exactly what Karen was put on this earth to do. I was excited to see that little seed too and to begin to get the chance to be a father.
We chose a birthing center for our birth because of the more natural methods they promoted. The center we chose was in Statesville. It was a little bit of a ride, but I would do it again today if I had to make the choice again. The midwives were exactly what we were wanting and very knowledgeable about their profession. We felt that these women were very conscious of decisions they were making and knew when something was beyond the scope of what they could handle at the center.
The day came to find out our baby’s gender. My favorite mother-in-law rode with us to Statesville. We had a ball on the way there talking about what ifs. We got to the office and went through the normal routine. The time came for the ultrasound. The technician began the ultrasound and just a second after starting said, “I can tell you what it is.” Karen excitedly said, “Is that because you can see its penis?” Ha-ha, my bride and her sense of humor… The technician asked, “Do you want to know?” Karen said, “YES!” The technician said, “Yes, look right there.” And sure enough he was showing us his goods. Of course I had to make a couple of jokes about the family jewels. Karen was so excited words couldn’t begin to explain it. Nonnie (my mother-in-law) began to tear up, and I just couldn’t believe it. I was going to have a little boy! We got in the car and called Karen’s dad, my dad, my mother, Karen’s grandparents, her sisters and brothers, and Lord knows who else. We were so overjoyed; we couldn’t believe this was really happening. We were moving closer and closer to getting to meet our baby boy. We went to lunch at Jake’s Good Eats in Charlotte on the way home and started discussing names. At some point I threw the name Tate out and Nonnie said if we called him that, then she could call him Tater, and I said or you could call him Tater Tot. We got a little kick out of that and began calling him Tater Tot.
The days passed, along with the appointments, and all the things we wanted and had to do. We got the nursery ready along with some good help from friends and family. And of course Kar wanted an outlined stripe on the wall, so that task became reality. Hopefully never again will I have to tape out one of those! I watched my wife learn how to take care of her body and baby during pregnancy. It was a pretty amazing thing. We got to enjoy watching our baby make her stomach roll all around and poke out here and there. He was a real wiggle worm and seemed to move most of the day. He was very active! At one point late in the pregnancy, I came home and blew on her belly (this was a fairly routine activity for us) and I guess he was asleep and I scared him, because when he kicked it was so hard he about knocked my teeth out of my head! We got a good laugh out of that one!
We had picked out a name. We told Karen’s parents and wanted to wait to tell my parents in person because we would be seeing them fairly soon. We told my mother and stepfather first because we were with her before we saw my dad and stepmother. We went to my stepbrother’s wedding in Durham. During the reception, later in the evening it was getting time for us to head back to Stanly County. Karen asked if I wanted to tell my dad and I told her that I wanted her to tell him. We decided to write the name down on one of the napkins from the wedding. We got to a table by ourselves and called my dad over. He walked up behind us and Karen told him that we wanted to tell him what we decided to name the baby. She handed him the napkin and when he unfolded it he read “Randall Tate Stone.” I felt like before he could get done reading it he burst into tears. It was a reaction not expected, but more than I could ever ask for. It was so special for me to see those tears and it was a moment that I will carry with me until I’m gone. Randall is my father’s name and my middle name. I like the name Randall because it is strong and not something you hear every day. It has a strong southern presence and means “established in peace.” Our first child, being a boy, I wanted him to establish a firm, peaceful presence for his sibling(s). Our home is established in peace and is a very peaceful place (usually), so we felt this was very important. Karen was touched also by my dads reaction to the name, and made the comment that his reaction made it all worth it.
The month came for Randall to make his presence. His due date according to Karen was July 18th, 2015. The birthing center’s was July 15th, 2015. We patiently and not so patiently awaited his arrival. Everything was ready. Us, the house, the cars, the car seat, the nursery, the dog, we were all ready! I was a little unnerved about what was going to happen. I knew that any moment we could be in the countdown. Some days I didn’t know if I should go to work because I didn’t want Karen to be alone when things started to happen. The 15th came and passed, along with the 16th, 17th, 18th, and so on. We got late into the month and began to become concerned. If he made it to 42 weeks, we wouldn’t be able to have the birth at the birthing center, which was more ideal for Karen. We also wanted Karen’s sister Emily to get to be a part of the birth and to take pictures, because she has an incredible eye for photography. She was supposed to go back to school early at Asbury College in Kentucky, but was putting it off as long as she could so she could be a part of Randall’s birth. She left before lunch on the 29th of July. I was at work at the farm. I went home for the day around 3:30pm. Around 4pm, Karen had a contraction, more than what she had been having. Maybe this was it. Soon after, she had another, and another, and another. They were around 15 minutes apart. I called my other step brother Hersch on the 29th, because it was his birthday. We talked for a few minutes and Karen started having another contraction. I informed Hersch he may have to share his birthday. Without missing a beat, he said that having a nephew to share his birthday with would be the best birthday present ever. I love that guy!
I called the midwife, and all of the other family members to inform them to get ready. We began timing contractions. Karen was handling them like she had gone through this before. She was a real champ! Obviously there was pain there, but she was working through them. The contractions started getting closer and closer and stronger and stronger. I called her parents and they called her older sister Jennifer. They all showed up shortly after. We tried to create a calming environment with hardly any lights on and a candle burning, low music playing, and me and my bride and her beautiful belly lying on the floor. Her mother and sister began helping her through contractions. If you know Jennifer, you know she is not much of a touchy feely person. She threw that right out the door and began pressing pressure points for Kar to help relieve some pain. Pop (Phil, which is Karen’s dad) was lying on the love seat all curled up. He was a bit tense and rightfully so, but we had it under control. Noemi, Jennifer’s latest baby who is at this point around 8 months old, is sprawled out as big as she can get on one whole cushion of the couch, and Pop is compressed into a little ball on the love seat trying to sleep. You had to be there to get the visual, but it was fairly comical.
We worked through contractions for the rest of the evening and into the morning hour. I was beginning to think it was time. Watching my bride work through those contractions was very impressive and scary at the same time. I knew she could handle it, but I also knew we had a ride ahead of us and didn’t want to get caught in a bad situation. We called the midwife. It was around 1:15 am on the 30th of July. She said for us to make our way there. We loaded up into two separate cars. Jennifer rode with me to help get Karen through the tough contractions. By this point she was contracting every two to three minutes with no relief in between. She was working hard and had been for a while. I was a little nervous but knew I had a job to do. Nonnie and Pop got in the car with Jennifer’s baby Noemi. We headed for Statesville. The drive during the day and on MapQuest was about an hour and a half. We left our house at 1:30am and were pulling into the birthing center at 2:30 am. Boy it’s nice when there is no traffic on the road!
We entered the birthing center. Karen was very uncomfortable. We were sure she was where she needed to be to be admitted to the center. The midwife did some checks on Kar as well as on Randall. We listened to his heartbeat for what seemed to be a very, very long time. I knew in my heart something was wrong. I waited and the midwife came over to me. She looked at me and said, “She’s only 3 cm.” Karen needed to be dilated 4 to 5 cm to be admitted. I was in disbelief. As hard as Kar was getting hit and as frequent, I knew we were going to have to do something different. She couldn’t possibly work that hard and have anything left to push this baby out. And who knew how many hours this was going to take. Then the midwife walked back over to me and said that Randall had a deceleration in his heart and we were going to have to move to the hospital. She said she didn’t have the equipment in the center to be able to handle an emergency with his heart doing like it was. I knew this was going to break Karen’s heart. I also knew she was not going to take it well, especially from me. I asked Marsha (the midwife) if she could explain all of this to Karen. I knew Kar trusted her and would be more accepting if it came directly from the source. Marsha walked over to Kar, lying on the bed, and explained to her why we were going to need to move to the hospital. Karen cried a little, but then realized we needed to go. We got back out to the cars and rode about four minutes to the hospital. One of the other midwives, Nicole, was there waiting on us at the entrance. We got Karen into a wheelchair, and they rapidly got her upstairs into a room. We got her in a bed and onto all the monitors. She was still contracting hard at every two to three minutes with no relief.
Karen is and has been an advocate of natural childbirth. That being said, she believes or believed in no pain medication (epidurals). She has coached a couple of her friends and sister through natural childbirth. Marsha walked over to me and said that she would like to recommend an epidural. I asked what the reason was. She proceeded to explain to me that Karen was working very hard with no relief and would have no energy left to push when it came time. I asked Marsha once again if she minded talking to Kar about that, and she walked over to Kar and told her what we had talked about. Marsha was saying that Randall wasn’t quite in the right position, and he definitely wasn’t low enough, and that Kar was looking at another 12 to 16 hours of labor, at least! I watched my bride feel as if she lost all of her pride, knowing she couldn’t endure that for another 12 to 16 hours. She began to apologize to me knowing she was going to get the epidural. I reassured her of how proud I was of her and that she had nothing to be sorry about. I was so proud of her and wished I could take the pain for her. She was so upset. I held her in my arms as she got through the next contraction or two full of tears.
Several contractions later, the anesthesiologist came in and began to administer the epidural. It was around 4am. I watched the pain leave Karen’s body. She began to get relief from the contractions. She was able to rest. Soon after, she was asleep. Her parents got a hotel room close by, Jennifer headed for home, and I lay down in a chair and tried to rest also.
Around 8am or so, a nurse came in and began to check some different things on Karen. I noticed she brought in a warmer. I asked if I had time to get a shower. She said, “I’d do it now.” I got cleaned up and called everyone and told them to get there. Pop and Nonnie got there fairly quickly. The nurses were in and out, a lot. Karen was still in a sleepy stupor from the epidural. They came in and checked her again and let her push a little bit. They said the baby was still a little high and they would be back. We waited around for a while. We enjoyed each other’s company. Jennifer was coming from home with her husband and all of her babies (four of them from ages 8 to 8 months). She was trying to make it back before Randall came. Nonnie was taking pictures. They had brought Karen a cup of ice water. I bet I filled that cup with ice and water 40 times that morning and I’d have filled it 400 more. Supporting her was my most important function that morning and making sure she was as comfortable as possible. I was glad she was able to rest. She had slept on and off for about 6 hours. Around 12pm things started getting serious. Nurses were moving in and out more rapidly, bringing more items into the room. The midwives were still in charge of what went on in that room so that was a comfort. They were calling the shots and still going to be the ones to deliver the baby and take care of Karen afterwards. At one point there was no one in the room except for Pop, Nonnie, Karen, and me. Pop began to tear up and spoke about how big and important this moment was. We gathered around hospital bed where Karen was lying and held hands and Pop said a prayer. It was a very defining moment for what was about to be the next biggest adventure of our lives.
Jennifer showed up, and as she walked in the midwives walked in behind her. They had been birthing babies all morning. I think they said they had birthed 4 others through the night and that morning. That’s why they kept disappearing, because they had 4 other patients having babies at the same time we were! And this is a small birthing center so this was unusual for them. They began to suit up and I knew it was time. I was so excited and nervous to see my little boy. I was also nervous because I wanted my bride to be healthy to take care of him. She looked so beautiful lying in that bed.
They came over to her and said its time to push. She began to push, hard! Really hard! The time was 12:45pm. I was taken back by how much energy she had. She was relentless! I was determined not to look, but I couldn’t help it. There were a couple of times I had to look away and I noticed Jennifer doing the same thing. Pop was in the corner of the room where he couldn’t see anything except for Karen’s head. I noticed his head was bowed and there were tears on his face. I don’t know if I’m right but I still think he was talking to God. Nonnie was taking pictures, some more risqué than others, and Jennifer and I were holding and pushing on Kar’s legs. Before I knew it with another good push we started to see his head! At this point I couldn’t look away and I began to cry. I remember Jennifer looking too and her tearing up and saying, “Oh my gosh Kar!” With another good push I saw my beautiful baby come into the world. I was so stunned. I know this sounds completely irrational, but I felt like he looked so much like me, I thought for a minute I was watching myself come into the world. Purple, limp, and covered in fluid, they immediately placed Randall on Karen’s chest. I watched my bride embrace her baby boy for the first time and burst into tears as she said, “I’ve been waiting so long for you!” I think it was the most beautiful moment I have ever been a part of in my entire life. I have never seen anything as special as that first embrace. I knew we still weren’t out of the woods though. Randall was 12 days late. Babies who are over a week late usually poop inside of the womb. This meconium gets into their lungs and can cause some serious problems. The midwives came to me and said we need to cut the chord. They handed me the scissors and without a second thought, I cut it. They told Karen they needed to take Randall to the warmer right beside her bed for a minute. At this point I was standing in between Karen and the warmer. Randall was purple, especially in the extremities, and not breathing as well as he needed to be. They laid Randall on the table and began to suction his lungs. They suctioned for about 15 to 20 seconds, and then placed an infant non-rebreather mask on him for about 30 seconds. His color changed rapidly along with his breathing. Nicole held him up and patted him on the back fairly hard three or four times. We got a good cry or two and she held him up for Nonnie to take a good picture. With that out of the way and Randall quickly improving, she placed him back on Karen’s chest. The little guy was looking all around. He was so alert it was amazing. He looked deep into his mother’s eyes, as if to say, “I am so glad you are here.” I finally got to say hello to him also and see those beautiful eyes of his for myself. I don’t mean to offend anyone when I say this, but he is honestly the most beautiful baby I have ever seen! And I didn’t realize it, but as soon as he came out, I was in kill mode. What I mean by that is if anyone would had made any sudden movements for him, I probably would have accidently snapped their necks with my bare hands, without even knowing what happened. Don’t hold it against me! But man, how does that happen so fast? One second you don’t even know the guy, and the next you will take a bullet for him. I could have looked into those big eyes for the rest of my days. He was sure set on his mama though, and rightfully so. She was amazing! I have never been more impressed in my entire life! What she did to protect and get that baby here is truly inspirational! I will forever be indebted to her for what she did to protect and birth my son. And I am so proud of her and what she accomplished and what she is for our family.
The next part is a blur, kind of. We were all tired. I waited for probably an hour and a half or so to be able to hold my baby. At some point before that I called my father and told him Randall was here and I couldn’t hold back the tears. The boy was just so beautiful! What a gift! I called my mom also, and of course she made over him like no other! We did 24 hours of skin to skin. Those hours of skin to skin with him on that rough hospital pull out seat bed, were the most precious moments I will remember with that baby. There is nothing more intimate or special or tender than the love and connection we shared during that time. Finally, I got to lay him on me, and we took a long nap together, to bond, like father and son should. He got to know my scent, and that I was going to comfort and protect him. We didn’t let the nurses take him out of the room, at all. We had to go out of the room twice, and both times I walked him down the hall to the nursery and he held my finger the whole time. He wasn’t going to be out of our sight! The nurses tried, several times, but it wasn’t happening. I am his protector and provider and I intend to do just that. His mama did great in learning to feed him and comfort him and protect him as well, and boy it didn’t take long at all for that love connection to form. He loves, loves, loves his mama. And I think its safe to say the same for her. We had to stay at the hospital for 24 hours. They said he was healthy and made over him time and time again, and FINALLY released us. We packed up the car and headed for the better part of the state. Good ole’ Stanly County, Randall’s home.
I am now somewhat aware of the Father’s love. I understand what my parents are talking about. I love my bride more than I could have ever imagined. Our home feels complete, although we are hoping the Lord will bless us with more babies, at least one more. Randall is amazing. Karen is my hero. I can’t imagine life without them. I know this all sounds cliché, but there really are no words to really describe the feelings I have about all of this. This is my best attempt, for what it’s worth. When people ask me what I do, anymore I don’t tell them I am a fireman or a farmer, but I am Karen’s husband, and RANDALL’S DADDY!
