This is the 3rd time, in 3 years that I have sat down to write a birth story. Physically it has been hard; being pregnant itself is hard, then add 1 toddler, and then 2 toddlers to care for while being pregnant and then add the seemingly impossible task of labor and delivery, which takes a huge toll on your body and all of this can leave you feeling completely broken and like you will never be the same. So let me just reassure those who haven't experienced this yet:
You will never be the same.
After I delivered Wyatt, I believe my exact words were "I am NEVER doing THAT again!" and yet a mere 12 months later, two pink lines told me that I actually was going to do it again.
To be honest I had mixed feelings; there were times when I felt almost giddy with excitement to bring another baby home and other times, when the 1 year old refused to be anywhere but my arms and the 3 year old was responding "no!" to every instruction and the house was a mess, that I muttered to myself "what was I thinking, having another kid?".
I was scared of labor, so many unknowns (when would it happen?, how long would it last?, would anything go wrong?, etc) but I was also scared of what life would be like with two toddlers and an infant.
So many unknowns.
But ready or not, he was coming.
My due date was November 1st and I really did not want him to be born on Halloween, but I went past my due date with both my other boys so I wasn't that worried about it until the morning of October 29th when I went to the bathroom and found the first signs of my body preparing for birth. Patrick and I had cleaned the house that Sunday and I started to get a bag ready for things I would need at the birthing center; however, Monday evening came and nothing had happened so I told Patrick to plan to go to work the next day and told my mom I was "95% sure" that nothing would happen that night. As we were getting ready to go to sleep I was having some contractions but they felt like Braxton Hicks and I wasn't paying that much attention to them. I think around 11:30 I woke up and realized that the contractions had stopped and I felt disappointed so I woke Patrick up and.........encouraged him to......try to get things going again (?), if you don't know what I mean, don't worry about it and if you do, sorry, just keeping it real. Desperate times and all that. Ahem.
Anyway, we went back to sleep and I next woke up around 2:00 and realized that my contractions had started up again, and they were a little stronger and still not what I considered "real" labor, but I made myself stay awake long enough to time a few of them, more out of curiosity then necessity. I got up around 3:00 and went to the bathroom and realized that I was bleeding which scared me enough to call my midwife just to check and make sure that this was not anything to worry about.
When Marcia, my midwife (who also delivered my other two guys) answered, I explained what was going on and after she reassured me that the bleeding that I was describing was not abnormal, I told her that I was going back to bed and would touch base with her in the morning. Marcia asked me a few questions about the contractions (how far apart: 5-6 min, where was I feeling them: down in my pelvis area, how strong were they: not too bad, more crampy then painful, etc) and then, since it would be about 2 hours before I could get to the birthing center, she told me that I needed to start making my way there. I was skeptical, feeling sure that I would get there and only be about 4 cm dilated but I trust Marcia completely so I woke Patrick up and told him we needed to get up. He said "ok" and promptly rolled over and went back to sleep. I waited about 30 seconds and poked him a little harder this time. Since I was sitting calmly on the bed, clearly not in active labor he was a little skeptical as well, but he got up and started getting ready. I called my Mom to come stay with the boys and then called Jennifer, but told her to go back to bed, that I would call her after they checked me because I was still pretty sure that it would be awhile before I needed my doula.
As we were getting ready, my contractions started getting stronger and coming closer together and by the time my mom arrived, it was clear that we were doing the right thing. The car ride was uneventful, thank goodness. I heard later that Patrick went about 90 mph and got us there in an hour (it normally takes an hour and a half) but I was too busy focusing on getting through the contractions to notice any of that. I called Marcia when we were getting close and she said, "If you feel like the baby is coming, call me back".......Um, what?! 😲
We got to the birthing center at 5:00 AM and after being checked and finding out that I was 7 cm dilated, Patrick called Jennifer and my Mom. Both of them, along with Randall, Wyatt, Eowyn, and Noemi hurriedly got dressed and in the car, hoping that they wouldn't miss the big event.
Meanwhile, I got in the birthing tub and had a few good contractions in there but I was so hot that I couldn't stay in, so I got out and got on the bed. I really didn't move around very much with this labor, I sat on the toilet a couple of times but the contractions were so painful that I couldn't take it and quickly got back off. I think around 6:30-7:00, things were getting really intense and I asked Marcia to break my water, hoping that it would get me to the point where I could start pushing. After my water was broken, the contractions were so painful that I was getting panicked. I kept saying, "Why did I think I could do this again, I am so stupid!". I think my Mom and Jenn got there around 7:45 and at that point I was in transition and very distressed. Jenn very politely shoved her way through the birthing center staff and onto the bed so she could provide counter pressure. My mom leaned down to whisper some words of encouragement in my ear and I grabbed for her hand and wouldn't let go. At one point she pulled away to get me something to drink and I said "where are you going?" and grabbed for her hand again. Sometimes a girl just needs her mom.
That might be the best feeling in the entire world. The hard and painful is over and you can finally lay eyes and hands on the little person that you have been bonding with for the last 9 months.
In total I was in labor for about 6 hours; 32 hours less then Wyatt's labor, and 15 hours less then Randall's so I was feeling good pretty quickly and asking for some chicken mini's from Chic-fil-a.😋 My Dad cancelled his morning appointments so that he could be at the birthing center and he was so relieved when he walked in and found out that Caleb was already here! Nine Grand babies and he has been a bundle of nerves for each delivery so it was nice for him to be able to quit worrying before he even really got started. While I was laboring, Eowyn, Noemi, Randall and Wyatt were in the family waiting room which was right next to my birthing room. I was so happy to see my boys and introduce them to their little brother. They were quiet and curious and then quickly bored of him. 😯
My little 4 year old niece Noemi climbed up on the bed with me, took a cursery glance at Caleb and then informed me:
"Tia, us heard you whining" 😐
(I'm not sure if she was accusing me of being disruptive during their playtime, or if she was trying to be kind by saying "whining" instead of "screaming like you were on fire", which was more accurate)
After we ate, I took a shower, got dressed and by 11:15 we were loading our newest addition into the car and headed for home)
Three birth stories, three very different birth experiences and three amazing and beautiful little boys. It's hard to explain the life changing effect that giving birth and becoming a mom has on a woman. It is the epitome of being beautifully broken and will leave you raw and exposed and completely vulnerable. Each birth brought me to the breaking point, only to bring me back to this life that is a little sweeter with my boys in it.
I will never be the same.
And it is good.
Welcome to our life precious boy, it is sure to be full of fun times, hard times, and mostly ordinary times. But all those things together will make it extraordinary and we are so excited to join you for the ride. 💙
***Everything happened so fast that there were not that many pictures and even less that weren't too graphic (#birthismessyandnaked), but here are a few more***
