New Year!

I know that when a new year is starting it is a time to think about all that we want to accomplish in the coming year and also, what things we want to stop doing (like buying cookie dough for me "and Patrick", and then secretly making cookies on the nights when he is at work...........yeah probably won't stop doing that). I am not big on New Years resolutions, as it usually ends up making me feel like a failure but this year I have to admit that I am excited and hopeful about what this year is going to bring. As Patrick and I have been trying to get pregnant and it continues to not happen, I keep asking the Lord, "Ok Lord, if not raising a family, then what the heck am I doing here?!". I knew without a doubt (ok some doubt) that the Lord was leading me to stop working, and when a baby didn't come along rather quickly, I really started to feel useless, like I had no purpose, after all, although Patrick appreciates the house being clean, dinner being ready, laundry staying caught up, when he gets home, etc, is my life's purpose really just to make sure my husband always has clean underwear? I'm being a little sarcastic here, I do believe that as a woman and a wife part of my ministry is to my husband, to provide all of those things and more to him, and I take great joy in keeping house and making our home a place of peace for us to live. Still, I know my God, and He continues to ask more of me, challenging and stretching me so I knew He had other reasons for wanting my full attention at home.

Food.

It is ALL about the food people! It all started when I read a book called "Beautiful Babies: Nutrition for Fertility, Pregnancy, Breastfeeding, & Baby's First Foods" by Kristen Michaelis. I realized that we are putting things into our bodies, THAT WERE NEVER MEANT FOR HUMAN CONSUMPTION! This book really opened my eyes to the damage that we are causing our bodies just by one trip to the grocery store. I could go on and on about this, but I won't, mostly because I am still at the very beginning stages of learning how to avoid grocery stores as much as possible. Where was I? Oh, yes, a new year. For Christmas my mom got me a "Healthy Living Bundle", which includes over 80 ebooks, covering subjects from food, skin care, exercise, gardening, etc. SO, I have committed to reading all of these books this year, and making changes to our lifestyle as I read. It's overwhelming and my first reaction is to throw everything that is in my kitchen now out, and start over, but I'm thinking that a diet of deer meat, eggs, sour dough bread, and organic whole milk would get old pretty quickly. I really believe that the reason we hear about so many fertility problems, anxiety, depression, heart disease, ADD, even whether or not our kids will need glasses and braces are all affected by the food that we eat. It's really amazing, and so fun to see where the Lord is going to take this. Anyway, I'm going to list the books that I will be reading this year, just in case any of you would like to read along with me:

Real Food Cookbooks:

-The Breakfast Revolution: Recipes from outside the cereal box by Beth M. Ricci
-The Veggi Book: How to Pick, Prepare, and Plate by Shay Tate Worth
-Much Ado about Chicken By Debra Worth
-Nourishing Cookies By Debra Bauman
-Wholesome Comfort by Kate Tietje
-Better than a Box: How to transform processed food recipes into whole food favorites By Kate Kimball
-Steeped: Simple Nourishing Teas and Treats By Katherine Stanley
-Easy and Health Slow Cooker Recipes By Kelly McNelis
-15 Minute Freezer Recipes By Kelly McNelis
-Health Icepops and Frozen treats by Kelly McNelis
-Fresh Nourishing Salads for all Seasons by Kimberly Harris
-Whole Foods Kitchen: Whole Breakfasts and Breads by Rachel Ramey
-Eat This: Meal Salads and whole food dressings by Renee Tougas
-Simple. Healthy. Tasty. by Tammie Nelson
-High Protein No Powder: Protein bars and smoothies made with real food by Tiffany Terczak
-Dehydrating by Wardeh Harden
 **There are a few more that are more targeted for people that want to go soy, gluten, dairy, and wheat free, that I will be looking at but probably won't be attempting to go that extreme just yet :)**

Books on natural skin care:

-Salve made Simple Jennifer Saleem
-My Buttered Life By Renee Harris
-Natural Beauty Recipes
-Homemade Health and Beauty by Sandra Calixto

Books on Natural health:

-The Oilers Handbook
-Common Sense Health: Detox, Diet and Physical Activity by Laurie Neverman
-Using Essential Oils Safely By Lea Harris
-Beginners Guide to Assembling a Natural Medicine Cabinet by Marci Ferrell
-Essential Chefs: A Beginners Guide to using Essential oils in your kitchen by Mary Clendenin and Kayla Howard
-Herbal Adventures a supplement to Herbal Nurturing by Michelle Auger
-Mothers Little Herbal Helpers and Home Remedies By Natalie Vickery
-Questions to ask your Dentist

Healthy Lifestyle Books:

-Finding Joy in Depression By Amanda Pelser
-Find your Balance by Bernice Wood
-A Simple Marriage by Corey Allen
-21 Days to a more disciplined Life by Crystal Paine
-Refresh by Haley Morgan
-31 Days to Great Sex by Sheila Gray Gregoire
-One Bite at a Time: 52 projects for making Life Simpler By Tsh Oxenreider
-A Simpler Season by Jessica Fisher

Books on Fitness:

-Energy Explosion: A 7 day guide to jump start your energy by
-42 Days to Fit by Brandy Ferguson
-A Fat Proof Meal Plan

Books on Gardening:

-The Gardening Notebook By Angie Schneider
-From Garbage to Gourmet by Carrie Isaac
-Growing and Using Culinary herbs by Olivia Brodock
-Emergency Preparedness

Green Living:

-Green Your Life By Emily McClements
-Accidently Green By Hilary Kimes Berstein
-Clean Naturally-Kresha Fabor
-Simple and Natural Green Cleaning Guide by Stacy Karen
-DYI Natural Household Cleaners by

Special Health Concerns:

-Sugar Detox Challenge by Donielle Baker
-Eat Your Way to Parenthood by Gabriella Rosa
-Farewell Fatigue By Mary Ellen Bream
-Pain Redeemed: When Our Deepest Sorrows Meet God By Natasha Metzler
-60 Day Juice Fast By Steve Fuentes
-Infertility: A Silent Struggle and a God who Hears by Whitney Cornelison

Real Food:

-Real Food for the Real Homemaker By Janet Balmet
-A Practical Guide to Real Food By Kayla Howard
-Real Food on a Real Budget by Stephanie Langford

There were several books on kids and parenting that I won't be reading just yet but I will list them in case any of my friends with kids want to look into them:

-Easy Health for Busy Moms: Balance Time, Money and Good Sense By Kelly Crawford
-Herbal Remedies for Children During Cold and Flu Season By Rosalee De La Foret
-The Unwired Mom: Choosing to live Free in an internet addicted world By Sara Mae
-Fat Proof your Kids: A practical guide to helping moms help their kids stay healthy and fit By Terri Bonin
-Love Your Mayhem By Amy Landisman
-Early Potty Teaching By Becky Zale
-Adventures with kids in the kitchen by Chara Shopp
-Cloth Diaper Convery By Erin Odom
-A Parents Playbook for Learning by Jen Lilienstein
-Warning, I throw Food by Jamie Balmet
-Creative ways to calm your baby By Justyn Lang
-Fearless Birth by Kristen Burgess
-Natural Birth Stories by Shannon Brown


Whew that's a lot!  So basically I will be learning how to eat like our grandparents did, as much grass fed, organic meat that we can, raw milk, farm fresh eggs, etc. Anything that I can learn to grow and make myself, I plan on attempting.  I know that sounds very dramatic, but keep in mind that I have made this reading schedule to fill up the entire year so I will just be doing a little at a time. I hope each of you finds something to be excited about for 2014 as well!

Letting go and trying again

It is hard to believe we are getting ready for another holiday season! Once again I have so much to be thankful for this year, as Patrick and I move into our 3rd year of marriage we often stop and talk about how much we have been blessed since we met. Since I have stopped working, life has slowed down quite a bit for both of us, we have cut several "luxury items" out of our life in order for me to stay home and Patrick to have a couple days off during the week so that we can be home together. Life is too short to put relationships on the back burner while we try to make a dollar in order to have stuff that we don't need. I have recently reconnected with some friends from college who I guess since we are almost 10 years out, I can call them "old friends" :) My friends Jodi and Gretchen came to visit last week, along with their 2 baby girls, Eliza and Hannah. Gretchen and I were college roommates and were basically inseparable for several years, she is the kind of the friend that I can say anything (and I do mean anything) to, and am never met with shock or judgement, just grace and understanding. Like me, Gretch struggles with anxiety and this visit reminded us that our friendship brings healing and peace, better then any meds we could take. One night after the babies went to bed, the 3 of us stayed up late (late for these old ladies is about 11:00), eating cooking dough and popcorn and talked about everything under the sun. We found that each of us, are carrying a burden and although each issue different, they all resulted in the same thing. All 3 of us were hurting and afraid of the what the future might hold. As we talked we kept coming back to the same 2 words; "Let go". I won't tell you their struggles but I will tell mine. It's not a secret that Patrick and I are trying to have a baby, anyone who knows me even a little knows that about me. Back in March when I came off my birth control I started charting, taking my temperature, checking.........things (TMI) and trying to make sure we timed everything just right. Well here we are, 8 months later and no baby. The last few weeks I have found myself obsessively googling information, pouring over my charts, reading into every little symptom, and basically driving myself and my husband crazy. As I was talking to my friends, I heard myself saying "You know, if I really had faith in God, I would just put the thermometer and charts away and just trust that the Lord will make it happen when its supposed to......................(light bulb goes off in my head).....................Hm. I guess that's what I need to be doing huh?" My gracious friends just looked at me with little smiles, partly because they know that this is exactly what I need to be doing, and partly because they know that it is a lot easier said then done. This past week I have been back and forth on my resolve because, really, can God handle this? I mean, doesn't He need my help? No. He doesn't. I look at my wonderful husband and this beautiful home that we have made and I think, how could I ever doubt that God's way is best? If I had had my way, I would have married that other guy when I was 23, had who knows how many babies with him by now, and probably lived a pretty okay life. But look at what I would have missed. I would have missed out on the best husband for me, and the best life for me. So yes, God's way is not only best, it is perfect and I would be a fool if I did not "let go" and let Him build our family as He sees fit. I am not saying that natural family planning and even more aggressive attempts at having babies are wrong, but for me right now, this is what the Lord is asking of me. I have done a lot of wiggling this week  ("well I won't take my temp everyday, BUT I have to take it some days, just to see") and yesterday I had a very anxious day, I went to the hair salon where I was a nervous wreck the whole time and could not make myself go to the grocery store afterwards. And I knew exactly why. When I hang on to things so tightly and refuse to let go, the result is chaos, first in my brain and then in my body. Last night I went in my room, got down on my knees and begged God to forgive me. I tried to control, I doubted, I worried, I did not trust. And that is sin, plain and simple. I let go. I released the grip I had on this huge life event, that I had no business trying to control in the first place. I was reminded that I have no place in trying to be in charge of when a human life is brought into this world, that no matter how hard I try, HE will be one to open up my womb when that little person is supposed to be created. I put my thermometer up, deleted the charting app on my Itouch and put a reminder to myself on my bathroom wall (where I was way to often taking pregnancy tests) that says "His ways are perfect". Then I just sat quietly under His authority for awhile, being still and letting His calm wash over me. Whenever I speak disrespectfully to Patrick (or vice versa, but he very rarely speaks to me disrespectfully), he says, "try again", which is his way of correcting my snotty attitude, but also showing me grace and giving me the chance to speak to him the way a wife should speak to her husband. Last night, alone in my room, my God told me to "try again". Today is a new day and I am so thankful for a God that doesn't give up on me. I hope everyone has a great holiday season full of grace and peace!

Brother

Well another big event for the Veatch family this past weekend, my "little" brother Jeremy got married! It was a beautiful wedding and I think the whole family had a great time cutting loose on the dance floor :) When I got married there was the opportunity for friends and family to say something to Patrick and I at our rehearsal dinner, and after several people said some really kind words that had me holding back the tears, my sweet brother got up and spoke, which resulted in the ugly cry for me and many others :) I did not know if this same opportunity would come over his wedding weekend, but in case it did I thought about how I could put into words just what a special guy my brother is.

What would I say?

 Jeremy and Christina's story is similar to mine and Patrick's because they knew very quickly that they would get married and therefore, they will really get to know the depths of each other, as a married couple. I wanted Christina to know just how blessed she is that she gets to walk through life with Jeremy, that he grew up with 2 older sisters, who made sure he knew how women were to be treated and he had learned well over the past 27 years. With 5 kids in the family we each have special relationships with each other for various reasons, we have been through ups and downs with each other, and we have caused each other heartache while quickly rising up against anyone else who did so. For whatever reason Jeremy and I have been close since the beginning; he and I were more alike then myself and Jenn so our shared interests resulted in a close bond. I remember when we were really little, we would beg mom to let Jeremy sleep in my bed with me, most of the time she said no, probably knowing that we would play instead of sleep, but after mom and dad said their good nights, Jeremy would sneak into our room and get in bed with me (at least we thought he was being sneaky, I suspect that my mother was very aware of what was going on). We would giggle and play until we heard mom coming and then Jeremy would run to his room with his hands covering his rear end, knowing if he got caught he was getting one "down the pike" as my mom says :) Sometimes Jenn and I would say "Jeremy, quick mom is coming!" just to see him run out of the room covering his fanny  : ).  As we got older Jeremy and I stayed close, minus a few of his teenage years where I found myself wanting to kick him in the head. Teenage boys are the worst in case any of you are wondering : ) I guess because I was older, Jeremy was never very protective of me, not like he is with Emily, and really he did not take much interest in my "love life". When Patrick and I got engaged, there was a disconnect there, Jeremy and I never talked about the wedding or my impending marriage. He was civil to Patrick but didn't make much effort to get to know him, and for while it hurt my feelings. Really, it was this way with all of my siblings, as much as they all wanted this for me, they were having a hard time dealing with the fact that someone was taking me away, I was no longer theirs. Patrick was one more person, coming between the 5 of us, the link between Jeremy and I was breaking and this other man (practically a stranger) was standing in between us. It is a strange unexpected feeling when a sibling gets married, lot's of bitter sweetness going around. All that to say that I was very surprised when Jeremy spoke the way he did at my rehearsal dinner, what I thought was him not caring about my wedding was really him dealing with me becoming a married woman and everything that goes along with that. Jeremy was never a big dater, we had a running joke about his "3 weekers" because that's about how long he would keep a girlfriend before he would tire of the obligation of being someones boyfriend. We always said that it was going to take one girl to sweep him off his feet and that would be it. And we were right :) I will never forget the day that I told Jeremy that Patrick and I had decided that we were going to get married. In sort of an off handed way Jeremy said "well I guess I can start looking now". In that moment, I realized that my brother was purposely NOT looking for his wife because he wanted me to find my husband first. Jeremy knew that after years of going to my friends weddings alone, that it would be very painful for me to attend his wedding without my husband, and he kept blinders on in order to not put me through that. That is the kind of guy that he is. That is what I want Christina to know, that her new husband is one of the best, and that even when it doesn't feel like it, he will always have her back, and will put her first no matter where life takes them. 

That is what I would have said.

So to my brother and his new bride: Jeremy, I love you, no matter how big my family gets, no matter how big your family gets, you will always be my brother and my friend. Thank you for quietly supporting me as I struggled through years of heartache waiting for my husband, I will never forget it. Christina, I was 12 when Emily was born and I feel now how I did then, because I knew that a new sister will only make life better! Thanks for making my brother smile :)

Cheers.

34 days and counting!

Hello Friends!

Apparently I'm going to be like a twice a year blogger, as that is about how often something interesting enough happens to blog about :)

Well let's see, I have been putting this post off for several weeks, mostly because I am insecure and always worry about what other people think, I guess turning 30 did not make me out grow that. Anyway, here goes; in 34 days I will be working my last day at the nursing home and becoming a full time, stay at home wife. I know, I know, it doesn't make any sense, why would I not keep working until we have a kid, what are we going to do about money, and so on and so on. Basically, I had a couple of odd jobs come my way that would really help supplement our income when we do have a baby and if I passed them up I would miss out and it seemed like the Lord is lining everything up so that whenever little Rolling Stone does make his/her appearance, we will be "ready". I realize there really is no ready, and I'm totally kidding about the baby name. To be honest, my heart is not in my job anymore, I love my residents (most of them) and my co workers (most of them) but I constantly feel that I am losing valuable time by being at work all day. There are so many things that I need to learn in order to live as simply as possible. I believe that the more simply we live, the greater the  long term rewards. I want to learn to garden, crochet, sew, cook healthier, coupon,etc. And then I want to teach my kids to do all of those things. My Dad and Patrick are breaking into the cow business and I am so excited to be a part of that. I never thought that I would consider myself a country girl, I have been called prissy too many times in my life for that, but I am ready to be outside, get dirty, be physically exhausted at the end of the day instead of mentally. Some of you will not understand this, and that's ok, but this is the right thing for us (Patrick is going to love having a housewife, he just doesn't know it yet). Of course we are worried about money, but we are not irresponsible, we would not be making this change if we didn't know that we could make it work. And if you are wondering what the "cow business" is, I will explain it once I figure it out, something about buying cows, beefing them up, and then selling them for meat I think................yeah, Patrick can't wait to introduce me to the new mama and baby they bought this week, but I don't think I should come face to face with a baby cow if he ever plans on selling it for meat. Still working on that whole "I'm a country to girl" thing. Anyway, other then scary life change happening in 4 weeks and 6 days, things are good! Patrick is wonderful as always, working hard and playing hard. Along with being a full time firefighter, he is working full time at Carolina Farm and Garden, playing drums in the church band, and as I said earlier, in process of becoming a real live Cowboy :) We are continuing to work on the house, it feels like small steps but when we look at how far we have come in less then a year, it's pretty amazing. In preparation for Baby I have come off my anxiety meds and am slowly walking though life drug free, trying to prevent any setbacks and am praising God for keeping His steady hand on me. I hope all of you who read this are doing well, and for those that don't bother to read it, when they get their Christmas gift from the dollar bin at Target they will figure out that they missed something! Love to you all and God Bless.